We chatted with AGCI adoptive mom Cady Driver about her family’s adoption journey. While it wasn’t an easy road for her family, it was so worth it! Cady shared with us what it was like to let go, trust God, and say yes to uncertainty!
I remember, even as a teenager, I knew that I wanted to have biological children and I wanted to adopt. I knew that that was part of the motherhood journey that I wanted to be on.
Looking back, this wasn’t something that I really discussed with Chris (Cady’s husband) when we were engaged. It wasn’t that he was against adoption, but he didn’t feel like it was for our family. We had three biological kids and he felt like we had enough children. He encouraged me to advocate and said that we could give toward adoption, but this wasn’t something that he wanted for our family.
I was heartbroken! I wanted this so badly. It did for quite a few years cause tension in our marriage. I felt like we could do it—we had the room and the resources and I was a stay at home mom.
It was really hard for me to understand why he wasn’t open to it. I think that responsible guys, who are hardworking and paying attention to the finances, have this God-given trait to keep the family safe. Adoption is a big unknown, so that can be hard. It was a process of the Lord working on us.
I began to develop a resentment towards my husband, which was not a God-honoring thing. And the more that I hinted and tried to nudge him, the more he would retreat.
I finally realized that I just needed to let go and trust God in this.
We started going to this new church and the pastor was teaching this series about trusting God and it just went on for months. He kept asking us, what is God calling you to do?
After a few months of this, Chris told me that he was ready to adopt. We took a week to pray because I wanted to make sure that this was truly what he wanted. After that, he came back and said he was really ready.
A friend of mine who had adopted two children through AGCI encouraged us to go with AGCI which was such a blessing.
It was such a huge heart change for Chris. He was all in—he did all the paperwork, figured out the finances, everything.
Once we were in the process and had completed some preliminary paperwork, our case manager began to share more with us about waiting kids, this list of children who are more difficult to find families for because of things like age and special needs.
I wasn’t sure about this at first, but I just thought I would take a look. I was scrolling through the photos and one stopped me. It was our son! His photo felt like it jumped off the screen at me.
I started learning more about him and while I felt uncertain about his special need of Down syndrome, I felt like he was ours. I wasn’t sure if it was something that Chris would say yes to. I left it up to God.
I showed his photo to Chris and with just one look at Lian’s photo he said, “that’s our son!”
I called our case manager to pull his file, and another family had already asked for it 24 hours before us.
My heart sank. I was really sad but I was happy that he had a family.
But then, the week before Christmas, we got a call from AGCI. The family that had pulled his file had decided not to move forward. So we pulled his file and began to move forward!
We brought him home the following October. The whole process was about a year in all.
The transition has been amazing. My older kids love him! I try to set limits but they spoil him. I cocooned for three months very intensely because I wanted him to bond with me. It worked! He is all about his mama.
Adopting a child with Down syndrome has pretty much spoiled me for any other adoption. He is lively and funny and communicative. He has a very soft heart. If someone is crying or upset he’ll come running with a tissue and try to dab your eyes for you. He is really in tune with people’s feelings. He is so sweet and has a great sense of humor.
It took him a few months for his personality to really come out. He didn’t cry or laugh for the first two months that he was home. But now, he is very comfortable and will show us when he’s happy or sad. He is mischievous and so funny. We couldn’t love him more.
Adoption is hard. There is a lot of loss on the child’s part and it can be lonely. It’s not easy but it is so worth it.
Learn more about adopting from AGCI’s China program!
